I would like to lay out my thoughts on food while I’m thinking about them
- I think about food a lot. Probably 24/7. I always think about food.
- Half of the time I think about eating food and the other half of the time I think about denying myself food. Half the time I’m thinking about eating food is because I’m consciously denying myself food and letting myself be consumed by the thought of it instead. This is one of those times.
- I pay for 10 meals per week at the school’s cafeterias. That’s basically two meals per day for the school week and then whatever I want to do on the weekends. That’s the general plan. I never follow that plan. Not once have I used all my meals this quarter. Not once.
- This is significant because I have bought a lot of food elsewhere instead of using the food I already bought and that makes me feel shitty, too. But that’s what I did this week. So I can’t buy any more food this weekend because I still have meals left but I can’t go to the cafeteria either…
- I can’t go to the dining commons anymore mostly due to social phobia. Big room with more people than it can hold. Yeah. But also eating in front of people is bad. And seeing people eat is bad. And being around food is bad. But I want food so baaaaad
- Ok, I can manage to go to the cafeteria in the morning for breakfast, since there’s hardly anyone there. But if anyone I know is there, I promptly freak out and leave. Or hide and hope they don’t see me. It makes eating very difficult.
- Being in the cafeteria is actually not so bad. It’s actually going there and getting in and finding a table and getting food and eati- ok the cafeteria sucks never mind.
- I haven’t eaten dinner tonight. But I did eat. I had McDonald’s for lunch. Yes, I know. This is why I’m gross.
- My roommate is a skinny beanpole and she hardly eats anything and it makes me feel like I’m probably just being selfish. again.
- I really hate food
- I’m a big whiner
- I really really really really want to make my own food. Like burning. If I could control what I eat and when and where a whole mountain range of stress will get taken off my shoulders.
- Not eating turns me into a giant two year old. I just want to fall on the ground and scream and cry and throw a tantrum and whine and wibble and wwwaah.
- I’m ssoooooo huuungrryyyyy
