My friend invited me somewhere and I straight up lied to his face.

I don’t think I’ve ever really truly lied to anyone before when I was this low. I dodge questions like a pro and I remain vague and I tell half-truths and mislead people, true, but I’ve never told an outright lie in order to avoid someone before. Especially because I think this guy could help me if I let him. It’s not that I didn’t want to go, because I kind of did. It might have been fun. But no, my instinct is to hide no matter what the cost. Hello, new low, nice to meet you. I prided myself on never outright lying before. Now that’s down the drain. Awesome.

And I happened to be listening to Viva la Gloria [Little Girl] by Green Day at the time, which immediately accused me of being a liar when I closed the door behind me. How fucking appropriate.

God, I am such an over-dramatic bitch. Everything has to be ten times harder than it should be with me, doesn’t it? Everything has to be an issue, even things that are complete non-issues. But it does make me wonder… what promise to myself will I break next? I’ve made a lot of them in an attempt to avoid going too low. But clearly they mean shit to me.

Today has been absolute crap. Can I bottom out on this cycle now? Please? I want to come back up.