You know, I actually function pretty well despite everything. Recently I was thinking about the more common manifestations of social anxiety, like not being able to order things in restaurants or ask store clerks for things, etc. It’s not that I function well with these things, because I certainly don’t, but I’m not completely incapacitated by these things anymore like I know a lot of my friends are. So I got to thinking why that is. What is it that I do that allows me to interact with strangers without breaking into a cold sweat or becoming nauseous or anything?

Turns out my main technique for avoiding an anxiety spiral is devaluing the thing that is stressing me out in my mind. If I go out of my way to not care about how that thing will affect me, then it doesn’t affect me as much. I use this for strangers all the time, so asking for things in stores is actually possible now. The problem occurs when I turn this technique on my friends, who are the main stress factors in my life right now. When I get scared of them, I start to subconsciously devalue them, which leads me to ignore them and hide from them and generally be a bit rude and cold-shoulder to them, so then they start doing that to me too, which sends me into another spiral and it turns into another positive feedback loop of awful. And because of that, here I am now, hiding in my room on Saturday night, glancing at the door like a hunted rabbit every time I hear a voice. So it’s helpful in some situations but not all.

I actually function pretty well despite everything. And by that I mean I function most of the time. I still go to class and the store and occasionally I eat and things like that. I’ve never self-harmed or made myself throw up and I pretty much doubt I ever will. So I’m really pretty well-off, all things considered.