No but seriously I should not be taking this so hard

It’s just that every failed social interaction is seriously like a gunshot to the head it just shatters what little confidence I can build up over the course of months

months since the last social nosedive I took, months in which I have been gingerly treading around every social landmine I might find, months I have been isolating myself like a fragile little bunny, then I decide to take one “risk” over the fucking internet and somehow all of that flimsy paper shield I had been trying to construct just goes up in flames within a heartbeat

The only social life I have is over the internet. The only safety net I had is the anonymity over the internet. But when it gets so bad that I cannot even talk to other anonymous people over the internet without fear of rejection or humiliation, then I lose my only connection to anyone outside of my family, I lose any connection to anyone outside of my room and I can’t function anymore what is wrong with me

my confidence is completely shot again and I can’t stop crying